Today I had my first doctor appointments since I went to Urgent Care last Tuesday. Of note was my first physical therapy appointment; an evaluation, really. Apparently I hurt a disc in my lower back region. The physical therapist was so sweet. It felt good to have someone be attentive to my pained areas. To be with someone whose job requires her to be cognizant that each person's body is full of unique intricacies and as such tailors the therapy accordingly. The regular physicians read the folder more than they look at you. Sadly, these days C.Y.A. trumps T.L.C.

Even after this first visit, I feel the healing beginning. I feel like I'm starting to get back to normal, healthy 24-year-old Monika. One reason I believe this to be true, is that I'm starting to reflect on and learn lessons from this experience.

Beyond the physical ailment, the symbolism behind it isn't lost on me. Losing my ability to carry my own weight and support myself is both scary and eye-opening.

I think about how far empathy and caring goes. My mom and Frank have picked up so much of my slack (mostly in the form of library books and groceries) in the past week even though both of them lead full lives. It just feels good to directly witness people act and help you out of love for you and nothing else.

But getting back to my reflections and lessons, I'm glad that I've gotten this opportunity to literally and symbolically strengthen my spine. And realign it, too. I could be better about balancing myself; to use all of my muscles (strength) rather than relying on some more than others.

Having lower back pain usually means that one's core is weak. This truly resonates for me. In the pursuit of spiritual, intellectual and emotional growth, I let my physical needs turn into an outgrown and unruly garden. I think that this injury attests to it and is a reminder to get working on that part of my self.


I'm so funny. Even though 90 percent of my work week schedule is the same during this Spring Recess week, I'm behaving so differently. "Academic" Monika would never be up at 1:20p.m. on a Wednesday-Thursday night. Funny.